Movie

Sudden Death (1995)

Of the many Die Hard scenario movies I’ve seen, Sudden Death is one of the craziest, but undeniably fun. The premise was unoriginal even back in the 1990s: a lone hero trapped in a building with nasty bad guys, and the only person who can save the day.

Our hero is Darren McCord, played by Jean-Claude Van Damme (a mainstream action star at the time), and the setting is a National Hockey League Stanley Cup Finals game in Pittsburgh. The Vice President is a Penguins fan, so the criminals take advantage and infiltrate the event disguised as employees. Then they occupy the VP’s box and demand he transfer vast sums of money from secret accounts before the game ends. Naturally, a dramatic late goal ties the contest and buys some much-needed sudden-death overtime.

It’s an overused storyline, but Sudden Death has set pieces on its side. Villain deaths are all suitably over the top, often involving Darren using his skills as a firefighter, a job he quit after a young girl tragically died. Makeshift weapons include a flamethrower (a water pistol filled with flammable liquid) and a dart gun fire extinguisher.

In a totally insane sequence late on, Darren dresses up as a Pittsburgh Penguins player and skates onto the rink. Heck, he even makes a dramatic save. Then, a helicopter falls vertically through the open stadium roof and explodes on the ice. But the hero’s fight against the “killer penguin” – a henchwoman in a mascot costume – is the standout scene. And despite a premature demise, I simply had to include this villainess on my ranking list.

Villainess

Carla (Faith Minton)

The actress has a wrestling and stunts background, so looks the part of the brutish henchwoman. She makes an intimidating choice and is convincing in her fight scenes, compared to the frail beauties that populate modern action films.

Other than the infamous penguin encounter, Carla doesn’t feature much. Her first two kills – the real mascot Joan (who later turns up dead in a closet) and an inquisitive woman in the women’s restroom – both occur offscreen. Darren’s daughter, Emily, stumbles across the villainess’ latest victim when she leaves her stadium seat. The terrified girl flees before Carla can silence her, only to be captured moments later.

Emily watches the sociopath villainess shoot a Secret Service agent in the head (after he understandably mistakes Carla for a guy) and put several more bullets in his chest to make sure. The terrorist has already shown she has no problem murdering a child, and only an empty pistol clip saves Emily from execution.

After Carla delivers her young hostage to the main bad guy, she’s sent after Darren. This doesn’t take long, as he’s tracked Emily to the kitchen. He’s already suspicious after finding his daughter’s discarded baseball cap, and Carla’s lies are unconvincing. With the hero alert to danger, he spots the shadow of Carla drawing a gun and disarms her.

The fight scene between Darren and the “killer penguin” lasts over three minutes for those timing it. While Carla’s choice of costume is bizarre, the padding offers substantial protection from Darren’s punches. The villainess, skilled in martial arts, lands quite a few blows of her own. Kitchens are always a great location for fights, with sharp cleavers, boiling fat, and trolleys to use as weapons. Don’t forget the tray, potato masher, and meat cutter. Did I mention this is a long fight?

Fed up with Carla shrugging off his attacks, Darren adopts the video game approach and goes for her weak spot. The hero pours spicy food into the mascot’s beak where the eyeholes are, disorienting Carla to gain the upper hand. Tough women never go down that easily, so Carla gets a great death scene when Darren kicks her onto a processing machine. The mask strap gets caught around her neck, strangling the villainess as the hero watches on.

Honourable Mentions: Van Damme Movies

Timecop (1994) – Fielding (Gloria Reuben)

This is a mainstream Van Damme movie about a time-travelling policeman, mostly set in modern times. Among the bad guys is a sole henchwoman with one decent scene and little screen time. Sarah Fielding is an internal affairs agent working with the hero. Except she isn’t, because she’s in the pocket of a corrupt US senator. Not sure why the traitor is so shocked when the lead bad guy murders someone in cold blood. Wake up – you’re expendable too.

Fielding beats up Walker in a one-sided encounter. He drops the chivalrous “won’t fight a woman” line, but knocks her down with one punch, anyway. The senator shoots Fielding once she’s outlived her usefulness, and the repentant traitor reflects in hospital before another baddie kills her.

Eventually, Walker restores the timeline, and Fielding becomes a good girl, so none of that ever happened. An honourable mention… just about.

Kill’em All (2017) – Almira (Mila Kali)

Perhaps the ultimate “one-scene wonder”, Almira is the only positive in this direct to video actioner. In an establishing flashback, the sexy female assassin poses as a prostitute and displays a fair amount of skin. The beautiful killer uses a blade-on-a-rope (disguised as a wristband) to stab a crime boss in the chest, leap over his chair, and garrote him. Not finished, Almira defeats two bodyguards hand to hand (or should that be legs to neck?).

A terrific beginning with so much promise, but what follows is terrible. Hardly any action and a silly plot with Van Damme pitted against a hit squad in a hospital, told in flashback by a nurse. The civilian supposedly has martial arts experience, but you wouldn’t know it from the badly choreographed fight scenes. Almira’s death is a lame, almost comical, strangulation.

Except the “nurse” is really an operative or assassin herself (the explanation is vague), and an unreliable narrator. The actual death scene – shown later on – has the impostor kill Almira with a far more efficient neck snap. So, a slight improvement, but not much.

Derailed (2002) – Galina Konstantin (Laura Elena Harring)

Another low-budget action flick with Van Damme (he’s made a few), this features three female villains, though only one of note. The extended honourable mention goes to the antiheroine thief who assists the good guys despite her own self-serving agenda. A stealth expert and martial artist, Galina is a far more charismatic character than this movie deserves.

Jacques Kristoff (Van Damme) is the main hero, but the female cat burglar takes centre stage during the opening credits. Between black screen title cards, we’re treated to a daring heist with the hi-tech operative deceiving guards in Slovakia and breaking into a supposedly secure facility. After three minutes of thievery clips and fancy gadget use, Galina steals a metal box marked with a biohazard symbol. It’s a while until we learn the vials contained within hold a smallpox viral strain, and before that there’s the matter of escaping the authorities.

A shady contact assigns Jacques the job of escorting Galina to Germany. Her cover is a theatrical performer, and she even pulls off a high-wire stunt to evade a small army of troops. More acrobatics follow with a light show as a backdrop, then Van Damme finally sees some action. The exit route is a train (you probably guessed that from the title). Once aboard, the sexy thief tries to seduce Jacques in the cabin, but he’s wise enough – and devoted to his wife – to refuse her advances.

The passengers soon have far greater concerns when armed mercenaries take over the train and come after Galina and her mysterious package. These are cookie-cutter villains who murder unarmed civilians to show their nastiness, led by a bland guy called Mason. Jacques and Galina escape, setting up the usual Die Hard scenario. The burglar uses more acrobatic moves to subdue a terrorist, but nothing as fantastic as the opening theft.

The lead villain has a lover accomplice called Natasha (the usual mean sadist), and after some background smirks, we get the inevitable catfight with Galina. Jacques battles a male baddie, but instead of annoying cuts between the two fights, we get a bizarre split-screen showdown. Too bad the women only exchange a few blows and it’s over in thirty seconds.

A vial shatters during a scuffle, contaminating the train. What follows is a convoluted mess with weak action, bad special effects, and passengers looking gloomy as the virus spreads. Mason kills Natasha for her incompetence (so much for love), which leaves an unnamed female terrorist for Jacques to dispose of far too easily.

The unsatisfying conclusion has Galina ill with smallpox and sidelined for the final action scenes. Van Damme, of course, saves the day and miraculously cures the passengers. As for Galina, she goes back to thievery and pulls off a (sadly low-tech) heist in the closing scene.