Movie

Cobra (1986)

Action movie buffs often hail the 1980s as a golden era. Back then, films received adult certificates, uncut violence was expected, and macho men uttered one-liners while taking down bad guys. No pesky character development was required. Cobra is a cult fan favourite because it adheres to this template.

Lt. Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone) is the typical action hero: a cowboy cop who drives a classy car, wears cool shades, and chews matchsticks while dealing out lethal justice to criminals. “Cobra” is the man superiors call when they need tricky situations dealt with. Naturally, the same bureaucratic bosses then blame the hero for being reckless.

Like many gritty cop movies, Cobra is set in Los Angeles. The opening scenes establish the tone: a statistical voiceover by Stallone (thankfully brief), a psycho biker cult clinking bladed weapons together, and a lunatic terrorising supermarket customers with a shotgun. Said nutter serves as an introductory villain for the hero to blow away. The triumphant cop holsters his pistol: a fancy weapon with a cobra painted on the white handle.

The main baddie is the appropriately named Night Slasher, who’s attacking random civilians to usher in a new world order. A motive as nonsensical as the plot, but action movie fans won’t care. The guy has a fancy knife and an army of psychos to back him up. Cobra is on the case, and the streets of L.A. are about to turn even more violent.

Villainess

Nancy Stalk (Lee Garlington)

Cobra thinks there’s more than one killer. His boss thinks he’s off the mark. Guess who’s right, and we get two Night Slasher attacks in quick succession to validate the hero’s theory. Like many action movies, there’s a lone female in the stocking-masked gang, and that would be Nancy Stalk.

Just as psycho as the men, Nancy smashes a car windscreen with a sledgehammer in the first attack. For the second murder, she’s unmasked and distracts a female motorist while the Night Slasher sneaks up behind. As the villainess disposes of the body, a woman drives past and witnesses the crime in progress. Ingrid Knudsen (Brigitte Nielsen) is a fashion model, and her career is an excuse to show dancing scenes with robots (don’t ask) and a montage of Cobra following leads while Angel of the City plays in the background.

Despite having little screen time, Nancy Stalk comes across as brooding and dangerous. There’s a creepy scene where she flirts with the Night Slasher while he sharpens his oversized, spike-handled knife. An additional threat comes from the villainess’ reveal as a police officer whom Cobra and his partner trust implicitly, though it’s not clear why they’re so easily taken in. There’s obviously a mole in the department, and Cobra spies Nancy making suspicious telephone calls more than once. The villainess’ assigned role is an informant lurking in the background, with action mainly left to the Night Slasher and his biker army, but things improve for the finale.

After Cobra prepares for war and Nancy shows her true colours (which the cops should have seen coming), there’s a long shootout / chase scene. One helmeted biker has long hair, raising hopes of a secondary minor villainess, but the solitary female baddie rule applies. The motorcyclists don’t last long, and Cobra wipes out the gang single-handedly.

Nancy gets more action in the showdown, wielding a shotgun and chasing the terrified Ingrid through a steel mill. There’s the standard hero versus the remaining bad guys climax, but it’s obvious only the Night Slasher will put up a worthwhile fight in the inevitable last confrontation. At first, Nancy appears to get a rather lame death when Cobra shoots her in the back, but the villainess returns to disarm the hero (after a lengthy tough guy monologue!). Sadly, the resurrection is short-lived, and Nancy gets shot by the Night Slasher when Cobra uses her as a human shield.

Honourable Mentions: Criminal Gang Members

Deadly Target (1994) – Mei (Lydia Look)

Gary Daniels is another action star who always plays lone hero types, though his movies usually disappoint in the female villain department. This pedestrian flick has a Hong Kong cop (with no regard for police procedure) team up with an American counterpart to tackle an ambitious triad boss intent on wiping out the competition.

There’s a minor henchwoman in the opening scene, but she’s considered expendable by the main villain and dies within the first ten minutes. Mei is a more important criminal enforcer who murders rival gang members and anyone else who gets in her way. The villainess has some memorable scenes, notably a murderous, gun-toting rampage at a charity fundraiser. One guy takes cover behind an overturned table, but that offers no protection against Mei’s armour-piercing rounds.

Sadly, this is another villainess who peaks too soon. Casino dealer Diana Tang (Susan Byun) becomes romantically involved with the hero and predictably faces off with Mei in the climax. Despite no apparent martial arts background, she’s still able to defeat the villainess twice, during a home invasion and later in the climactic battle on a cargo ship. The fights are very unconvincing and feature cutaway shots of Daniels doing his thing before Diana finishes Mei after a brief struggle.

Ides of March (2000) – Alexandra Krystofich (Lydia Chin), Muse (Tracy Phillips)

Also known as Ultimate Target, this is another Gary Daniels vehicle that remained unreleased for many years until a version surfaced on YouTube. The trailer promised a lot of action and two female villains, but the end product was a slow-burning, dialogue-heavy yawnfest. For much of the runtime, Alexandra and Muse talk with other assassins around a table. The best way to experience this movie: fast-forward through the silly character introductions and unremarkable flashbacks to the final fight scene.

There we get the rocket launcher attack that made it into the trailer and Daniels’ encounter with the two hitwomen. Neither puts up a great struggle, but they certainly look the part as leather-clad killers. The hero is a superior martial artist and makes quick work of his outclassed foes, but the fight scene is fun while it lasts.

Ride or Die (2003) – Tommy Wong (Miranda Kwok), Fake Venus (Meagan Good)

Another cliché-ridden direct-to-video actioner (see a pattern here?), with Duane Martin as private investigator Conrad “Rad” McRae. Expect plenty of gun battles (with dual wielding the norm), disposable bad guys, explosions, and attractive female extras. Vivica A. Fox is tough-talking weapons specialist Lisa, and there are cameos by well-known B-movie actors, notably Daniel Dae Kim as a Triad boss and Gabrielle Union as a domino-masked woman.

Rad investigates the murder of rapper superstar friend and teams up with his widow Venus to take on a corrupt record producer who doesn’t even feign innocence. Tommy Wong gets a badass introduction as the henchwoman when she takes down the hero PI in a restaurant without breaking a sweat. Frustratingly, she disappears until a late showdown, when she returns clad in leather, but this time Rad easily bests her in the return fight.

Tommy wouldn’t earn an honourable mention by herself, but after surprise villain Venus – who’s not the widow – is revealed as a criminal mastermind, she disposes of the false big bad and turns her dual pistols (that cliche again) on Rad in the final shootout. After lots of gunfire and traded insults, Lisa finishes the treacherous woman off with explosive underwear in a rare moment of originality.