Movie

The Perfect Bride (1991)

A routine psycho-woman thriller, but the inventive kill sequences and high body count – plus an over the top bad girl – earn this film a legendary rank. That’s probably why the movie airs on Lifetime despite being over thirty years old. Few modern productions have such longevity. Whenever you need a reliable made for TV effort, the 1990s is the decade to choose.

The title character is a woman with high standards for any future husband. Any sign of infidelity or even a hint of imperfection, and you can expect a lethal injection. That also goes for anyone who dares to get in her way, and plenty of minor characters have “unfortunate” heart attacks. One wonders whether the police in this town know about forensics and autopsies. But the plot requires only the heroine, Laura (Kelly Preston) to see the truth about Stephanie, so the deaths are written off as natural causes.

Laura has a stubborn family, which is a problem when her brother’s bride-to-be is a homicidal lunatic. Who spouts “bad girl” lines (in a posh English accent) whenever she eliminates an obstacle. Besides the besotted groom Ted (Linden Ashby), Stephanie also charms Laura’s unsupportive mother, her senile grandfather, and a policeman friend. So it’s down to Laura to be the snoopy investigator and save Ted from the psycho’s needle.

Villainess

Stephanie (Sammi Davis)

Like all good TV movie villainesses, Stephanie claims her first victim early. A groom looks forward to premarital sex on the eve of the wedding, only to discover the hard way his bride is a psycho. She is not pleased about his visiting his ex-girlfriend. After literally making her point with a syringe, Stephanie smiles at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror. It’s clear this woman is crazy, but that moment should erase any lingering doubts.

With that dealt with, it’s time for Stephanie to enter Ted and Laura’s lives. Initial impressions are good, but Laura becomes suspicious when Stephanie reacts coldly to a receptionist and snaps at a dress fitter over a trivial mistake. Purchasing a cheap tablecloth and claiming it’s a family heirloom is a ruse Laura soon sees through, and now she’s really worried about her brother. Nobody listens to Laura (that would be too easy) and Stephanie always has an excuse ready for any odd behaviour.

To keep things moving, Stephanie bumps off two more victims. First up is a caterer who recognises her from a previous wedding. That’s a threat, so the killer bride comes calling with her hypodermic needle. Surprisingly, the woman puts up a good struggle, considering she’s a minor character and they’re usually killed with little fanfare. After a lengthy scrap in the kitchen, Stephanie flees, but the caterer is stupid and checks out the basement. A fatal error in judgement, but in a cruel twist of fate, Laura’s mother decides not to employ her services.

Laura asks a priest to give Ted and Stephanie marriage counselling, so no surprise he’s next on the kill list. The murderess has flashbacks to her childhood when her mother committed suicide and warned her about men. Quite an impression on a distraught young girl, which explains the obsession with finding Mister Perfect. After one insane rant, the priest postpones the big day. That’s the villainess’ cue to induce a heart attack.

The desperate Laura digs deeper into Stephanie’s past and tracks down a woman who knew the previous groom. Unfortunately, Stephanie listens in on the phone call and puts on a clever disguise – and an American accent – to lure the witness into a trap. There’s a funny moment when Stephanie narrowly avoids a road accident, which causes her to yell “Bloody hell!” and give herself away. The witness escapes, only to be knocked down by an oncoming car.

Stephanie learns the woman survived from a news report, so she visits the hospital disguised as a nurse to finish the job. It’s never a good thing to be unconscious or badly injured in one of these films. Once the killer has asphyxiated her victim, she returns home. Laura’s grandfather sees Stephanie in a nurse’s uniform, but he’s a doddering old guy nobody believes. After gloating over Laura’s dead lead, Stephanie turns her attention back to Ted.

With such ludicrously high standards, the groom was always going to disappoint the bride. The snapping point is when Stephanie sees Ted with the receptionist (remember her?) at a bachelor party. So she dons her wedding gown and readies her needle. Laura comes racing to the rescue and saves a disbelieving Ted, but he changes his tune once Stephanie stabs him with a kitchen knife. There’s a short, semi-decent stalk/chase scene and a brief catfight that ends with Laura hiding in the attic. She arms herself with a baseball bat and sends the psycho on a fatal tumble downstairs.

Honourable Mention: The Perfect…

The Perfect Marriage (2006) – Marianne Danforth (Jamie Luner)

The Perfect prefix usually designates a TV movie aimed at Lifetime audiences, and this is indeed another of those films. Marianne is a scheming woman quite prepared to murder her husbands for their money. She killed her previous spouse with a lethal injection, a crime she planned with her lover Brent (James Wilder). After he used the large payout to settle his debts, Marianne dumped him.

A few years later, she’s happily married to a wealthy businessman’s son. Then Brent re-enters her life, and soon they have eyes on the family fortune. The villainess delays killing the father until he seals a company deal, then it’s time for an induced heart attack. When a nosy assistant gets too close to the truth and carelessly gets seen snooping, Brent murders her.

A female associate named Tia picks up the trail and becomes the protagonist for the last act. As the net closes in, Marianne decides Brent is expendable, so he gets the lethal injection treatment. Perhaps he shouldn’t have provided potassium chloride to a scorned woman.

In the finale, Marianne tries to silence Tia. This leads to a longer than usual chase scene with the villainess hunting her prey in a parking garage. Eventually, after a scuffle and stalking scene, a random motorist runs over Marianne. A disappointing end to a decent thriller.