Movie

Final Score (2018)

It had to happen eventually. Ever since Die Hard in 1988, the formula of a lone hero against armed villains has been used in every conceivable scenario. Now the action has come to a football stadium. Americans might call it a soccer stadium, but doing that in East London is likely to get you a punch in the face (as Agent Cho learns the hard way).

Michael Knox (Dave Bautista) is a former soldier whose brother died following a questionable order. Now Mike wants to make amends with his niece Danii (Lara Peake). What better way to do that than to take her to a football match? Especially when that game is a high-profile European semi-final and West Ham United’s last match at the Boleyn Ground (or Upton Park). The team has now moved to London’s former Olympic Stadium, so producers could set off an explosion and do serious damage in the dramatic climax.

The villains are mercenaries led by Arkady (Ray Stevenson), a ruthless general who wants to find his supposedly dead brother, Dimitri (Pierce Brosnan). So badly he’s prepared to threaten the lives of thirty thousand people. The siblings were once leaders of a revolution in Sakovia (a fictional Soviet bloc country) and now Arkady wants to lead a second revolt. For once, the motive isn’t nuclear weapons or money. Everything else is formulaic, including the villains planting C4 explosives to mask their escape and Knox throwing a dead guy off the stadium roof to convince authorities the threat is real.

West Ham fans are so shocked at reaching a European semi-final they don’t notice the chaotic events happening around them. Gun-wielding baddies swarm the concourse, mobile phones go dead, the stadium is locked down. Even a bike chase and crazy stunt jump go ignored. To keep the crowd occupied, West Ham score two goals at convenient times.

It’s only when the hero runs onto the pitch to avert a disaster that anyone pays attention. Knox’s only allies are Steed, a police commander on the outside (competent for a change) and Faisal Kahn, a timid steward who provides comic relief. There’s some dark humour as Faisal acts the Middle Eastern terrorist to clear out hostile spectators.

Don’t think too hard unless you want the plot holes to cause a headache. Predictable, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, as the movie delivers what action genre fans expect from a Die Hard clone. A gung-ho hero, nasty villains, fights in claustrophobic locations, and an unexpectedly great bad girl who leaves a lasting impression.

Villainess

Tatiana (Alexandra Dinu)

After a long series of disappointing henchwomen, it’s high time we had a female version of Karl from Die Hard, and that essentially sums up Tatiana. Arkady’s lieutenant doesn’t care about being attractive – this is a tattooed warrior with a cornrow haircut and acts every bit as mean as she looks. All that’s missing is a last woman standing scene, since Tatiana dies before the grand finale. At least she goes down fighting and has several run-ins with the hero and his niece. That’s enough to earn Tatiana legendary status.

This movie is the UK’s answer to Sudden Death (1995), with a lot of similar themes. Tatiana takes a leading role in the stadium takeover, infiltrating the ground as a paramedic (like in the Van Damme film, the terrorists disguise themselves as employees). Upon arrival, she guns down a security guard and innocent civilians in the police control room to quash any notion of resistance.

After Knox takes out a terrorist in an elevator (or should that be lift?), he gets a big fight in the kitchen. No killer penguin (she featured at #92), but the brute Vlad proves tough to take down. Eventually, Knox finishes the big guy off by dunking his head in boiling fat. This really ticks off Tatiana, since she and Vlad were lovers. In an explosion of rage, she smashes random items and demands to be the one who kills Knox. Getting Karl vibes yet?

By now, Knox has tipped off the police and offers to rescue Dimitri before the villains find him. Time is of the essence since the stadium is rigged to explode when the match ends, so Knox grabs a motorcycle to speed things up. There are plenty of other bikes (indoors!), which is an excuse to have an action scene. Tatiana and her goons pursue Knox while stunned spectators wonder what’s going on. When her handgun proves ineffective, Tatiana swaps it for a submachine gun. Knox reaches the roof with her not far behind, though her aiming is predictably terrible. Much too early to have the crowd flee in panic, so how about a goal so people don’t notice the motorcycle jump overhead?

After Knox makes it to Dimitri, the villains up the ante by kidnapping Danii to use as a bargaining chip. Tatiana takes great pleasure in knocking out Faisal and torturing the hostage girl. Things are personal as far as she’s concerned. Knox agrees to trade Dimitri for Danii, leading to a prisoner exchange scene on the stadium roof. The villains plan to double-cross the heroes and detonate the explosives anyway (did you expect anything else?). But Knox chose the location wisely, as blinding floodlights hide his own deception: to take Dimitri’s place.

Knox takes down several mooks with the help of special forces. Then it’s the hero against Arkady, with Knox attempting to retrieve the “kill switch” to deactivate the bombs. This is when Tatiana joins the fight and gives him a good beating. He holds the villainess off, but the kill switch rolls off the roof. That’s a convenient time for Knox to grab a banner and do a swinging stunt. He reaches the device, but the henchwoman isn’t finished yet.

Tatiana’s final fight is rather brief (and somewhat disappointing), but still delivers excitement while it lasts. The knife-wielding villainess attacks Knox, but the hero gets the better of her, and they fall over the roof edge. The villainess is impaled on a metal bar, but gloats that the kill switch is fake before she dies. Of course, the hero saves the day, but Tatiana went out believing she’d won.

Honourable Mentions: Die Hard Scenario

Velocity Trap (1999) – Pallas (Jorja Fox)

Yes, they’ve done Die Hard in space, too. One of the better futuristic variants, with Olivier Gruner as Stokes, a security officer framed by corrupt colleagues after an assassination. A female killer is involved in that plot, but after she detonates an explosive, we never see her again.

The first half of the film is mostly a stretched-out setup. Stokes is too honest to be bought off, and killing him would attract too much attention, so the conspirators assign their patsy to guard duty on a transport ship carrying 40 billion US dollars. That’s the intergalactic currency, and paper money is still apparently in use in the space age.

Before this subplot, we’re introduced to the main villains: Simmons (Ken Olandt) and his thrill-seeking wife, Pallas. Before she played Sara Sidle on CSI, Fox was a crazy henchwoman in this B-movie. Pallas likes to live dangerously, leaving it to the last second to escape an asteroid explosion. The purpose of the sabotage becomes clear later, when the transporter drops out of light speed. The “accident” is part of a plan to heist the money and destroy the evidence. Stokes – with the help of navigator Beth Sheffield (Alicia Coppola) – is the proverbial “fly in the ointment.”

The hijackers are light on manpower, probably because they expected no resistance. Besides the psycho husband/wife team, there’s a tough guy named Fallout, a tech whiz who gets no action, and a treacherous engineer who disabled the sentry guns. Fallout gets the honour of a major fight with Stokes before he’s incinerated by Sheffield. All the villains wear stylish body armour, and Pallas sports a feminine version that makes her “assets” stand out.

After a few onboard encounters, the heroes must take a shuttle ride in space. Pallas – really annoyed by now – comes after them in her own fighter craft. There’s an above-average chase with Pallas proving a worthy opponent. It’s disappointingly a vehicle confrontation, but the villainess evades the sentry guns (no small feat) and damages the heroes’ ship. Then she loses control and crashes into a support strut, which also takes out the engineer. A decent demise, better than the anticlimax that follows.

Lethal Tender (1996) – Sparky (Karyn Dwyer)

Die Hard in a water treatment plant, with Jeff Fahey as macho cop David Chase. Villains led by Montesi (Kim Coates) follow the standard playbook, taking hostages as a distraction while they steal bearer bonds. A scenario copied wholesale from the 1988 classic, but the above-average casting offsets the dull location.

Gary Busey is Turner – the same charismatic, dangerous bad guy he always plays. He double-crosses everyone and kills more criminals than the good guys. For added effect, Turner provides an unreliable narrator opening voice-over. Melissa (Carrie-Anne Moss from The Matrix series) is the love interest, but don’t expect a Trinity-level badass. She gets some action, but her role is mostly to provide technical information and get rescued by David.

The one female villain limit applies, but Sparky is a fiery redhead in a sleeveless leather jacket who doesn’t mind getting physical. The demolition specialist objects when Turner kills two unarmed civilians, but has no qualms slaughtering a special forces team with an assault rifle. When David is injured, Melissa fights Sparky and lands a few punches. Then the enraged villainess pulls a knife, and the hero shoots her in the back.

No Contest II (1996) (aka Face the Evil) – Lisette (Fiona Highet)

Shannon Tweed returns as martial arts actress Sharon Bell for this sequel that replaces a beauty contest with a museum for the Die Hard scenario. Criminals want a deadly Nazi nerve toxin hidden in a statue, and while Lance Henriksen does an innocent bystander act, it’s so obvious he’s the main villain that the reveal comes within the opening thirty minutes.

Production values are above average, and the 5’10’’ Tweed is convincing as an action heroine. This time, she has support from her sister, Bobbi (Jayne Heitmeyer). Everyone else is expendable, starting with the least important / likeable characters.

Lisette is the sole female baddie who dons surgical gloves to prepare the chemicals. Once Sharon becomes a threat, there’s a decent chase through the war-themed exhibit halls. Inventive props – barbed wire fences and hanging bamboo – provide background flavour to the gun-fu and kickboxing. Lisette is skilled enough to fight back and twirl a snapped-off wooden pole, but Sharon kicks her off-balance opponent onto the sharp object.

Another early exit (Lisette dies halfway through), but an honourable mention for a decent encounter with a semi-competent foe.