Movie

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Film buffs will always remember Carrie Fisher for the iconic role of Princess Leia in the Star Wars franchise. Besides starring in The Empires Strikes Back in 1980, she also played a mysterious female assassin in this classic comedy adventure.

For those unfamiliar with the story, it’s a lighthearted musical about the title brothers, Jake and Elwood Blues. Played by John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd, they literally see the light and undertake a “Mission from God.” Their goal is to reform their old band and raise enough money to save an orphanage from closure. Dressed in matching black suits, hats, and dark glasses, the Blues could be mistaken for government agents, but these two are definitely anti-authority figures.

It’s not long before the brothers make enemies of the police. Bad news for Jake, only just released from prison. The list of vengeful foes grows after they steal a gig from a rival band and wreck a fascist group’s parade. By the end of the film, even the military has Jake and Elwood in its sights. Plenty of antagonists, but the Mystery Woman is the standout villain.

Villainess

Mystery Woman (Carrie Fisher)

The character’s credited name is appropriate, as the assassin’s true identity is never revealed, although she gets an explanatory monologue near the end. Before that, the Mystery Woman makes it her personal mission to murder the two brothers. And it’s clear from the get-go that she’s really ticked off, because she doesn’t even bother with small arms and brings out the big guns straight away.

The cigarette-smoking villainess’ introduction sees her aim a rocket launcher and unleash a volley at the brothers while they’re on the steps of an apartment building. She misses the men somehow, but destroys the entrance and leaves the brothers buried in a pile of rubble. They dust themselves off, showing no concern as if this is perfectly normal. Maybe it is for these two, who seem to attract chaos wherever they go.

Murder attempts played for laughs become a recurring theme. As police raid the apartment, the Mystery Woman gives the brothers a loud wake-up call by detonating explosives, which causes the entire building to collapse. On a holy quest, the brothers are not about to be deterred by minor inconveniences like their apartment being reduced to a pile of bricks and scrap metal.

As you’ve probably gathered, the humour in the movie is very dark. This extends to the name of the salon where the female assassin works: Curl Up and Dye. There, she brushes up on her weapons knowledge, specifically an M-79 flamethrower. The Mystery Woman tries to roast the Blues alive as they make a call from a phone booth (back in the 1980s when they still had those), but only blows up a nearby propane tank. We then get a funny scene where the kiosk launches into the air and comes crashing down, providing the brothers with some loose change.

Unfortunately, that money is nowhere near enough to save an orphanage, so Jake and Elwood perform a well-advertised gig at a packed venue. And so the people after the anti-heroes – practically everyone by this point – know where to find them. The brothers sneak out through the basement, which deceives the boneheaded cops but not the Mystery Woman, who’s there waiting with an assault rifle and a motive rant.

Actually, it’s Jake who’s been her main target, and Elwood was collateral damage. It all stems from the assassin’s ex-lover standing her up at a wedding, and now she wants payback. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, as the saying goes.

Jake and the assassin kiss and make up before he promptly dumps her again by pushing her to the floor. This woman is not about to take another rejection lying down, and so chases after him. In her last appearance, the Mystery Woman fires wildly at the fleeing brothers as they drive off into the night.

Honourable Mentions: Notable Henchwomen

China White (1989) – Henchwoman (Saskia Van Rijswijk)

If I had to give an award for the best female villain entrance, it would go to the unnamed blonde brute in this rather generic 1980s action movie. As two guys are being interrogated by a ruthless crime boss (Billy Drago), a tall female in stiletto heels walks in, trampling broken glass underfoot. The camera then pans up to reveal a scary villainess wearing a short-sleeved leather top and sunglasses. She doesn’t need to say anything – it’s obvious what her role is.

Sadly, the movie is otherwise dull, though I located a DVD copy to give this henchwoman a deserved review. There are no heroes in this tale, just criminal gangs in Amsterdam and a high body count as hoodlums fight violently over territory. Before the last half hour, we see little of the Terminator-like bodyguard, who remains silent while the main villain schemes and threatens.

Characters in this film die in gruesome ways, and the henchwoman gets the best execution when she roughs up a surprisingly brave prisoner by kicking the bound man in the chest. That had to hurt, but he refuses to talk, so the villainess beheads him with a fire axe. While that scene alone earns an honourable mention, the climactic action set piece involves a shootout at the docks and the blonde’s desperate attempt to kill off a main character. When firearms don’t work, the tough woman resorts to martial arts, but it’s a rather brief fight even if she proves a resilient opponent. After so many brutal deaths, she deserved a better demise than a plunge into the ocean.

Death Ring (1992) – Ms Ling (Elizabeth Fong Sung)

This movie is easier to find, but sadly suffers from similar flaws as China White. The henchwoman to the main villain (Billy Drago again) appears to be a secretary at first, before she’s established as a competent martial artist. A promising start, but she only gets two tame fight scenes in the closing minutes.

Before that, Ms Ling is window dressing who does her best to look menacing. Often this involves handling weapons without actually using them, or passing them to other bad guys who like to hunt humans for sport. Yes, this is another one of those Most Dangerous Game type movies, probably the most copied scenario after Die Hard. Two beautiful blondes show up as sadistic assistants, but they have no dialogue and exist only to show the villain’s poor taste in women.

The males get the interesting stuff (machete, spear, garrote), while Ms Ling makes do with a pair of knuckle dusters. After screaming hysterically and mouthing some timid insults, she’s taken out by the hero’s girlfriend all too easily.

Quiet Fire (1991) – Hector (Dorothy Herndon), Jax (Laura Vukov)

Continuing the theme of under-used henchwomen (two in this case), this 1990s direct-to-video movie stars Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs as Vietnam vet Jesse Palmer, and real-life female bodybuilders as hired muscle that deserved far more screen time.

Quiet Fire includes every cliché in the book: a shady politician involved in arms deals, corrupt police officers on his payroll, a martial artist whose best friend dies just after passing on key information. Plenty of gun battles, explosions, and sexy women, and yes… even a standoff where the villain’s pistol is empty. A fight in front of electrical junction boxes… you already know how that will end.

After the local thugs fail to eliminate Jesse, the politician brings in outside help. Hector and Jax get an easy kill: a sleazy male assistant who’d messed up too many times. They then target the hero and his girlfriend and somehow miss with a sniper rifle despite having a clean shot. In an unexpected development, the girl is not kidnapped in exchange for the incriminating data, but murdered in a shootout.

Time for Jesse to go all ninja and tackle the problem. After he deals with some lesser thugs, Hector and Jax are the last obstacles between Jesse and the politician. Hector is disposed of with a throwing star, then it’s a fight with the leather-clad Jax. She dishes out a good beating to Jesse, but disappointingly goes down with a single punch. No kill, hero? This is the woman who assassinated the love of your life, remember?